Stronger in the end...

So, last night as I was lying in bed wide-awake many things were racing through my mind. As of late I have been going through some stuff that I don't really care to get in to, but as I was thinking about these little tribulations I had a bit of an epiphany. I have pretty much determined that I am a bit lost right now. I'm happy; not stressed-out or anything. I am just having difficulties coming to grips with the fact that my life has no real sense of direction at the present moment. And honestly, it shouldn't. That's the point of me setting out and doing this whole traveling bit. But I still tend to think about what's next when I decide to move on from this point in my life. I guess I am having a bit of a hard time living in the moment. Anyway, back to my point. As I was thinking about everything that I have gone through in the past that has led-up to me being here, I have realized that I really don't know myself. I am living a facade. I feel that as I encounter life I respond to it in a way that society has programmed me to respond, not as I would respond. If that makes any sense... For example, while in past relationships, whenever I have experienced any sense of turmoil my immediate response is to say whatever it is I think the other party wants to hear. Not what I feel. I think this is more so the case when I am unsure of my feelings or unsure of what it is that I want, so I say whatever it is that I think the other party wants to hear until I figure out where I stand in the current dilemma. And sometimes it takes me a while to figure it out, if ever. So, I am not being honest to them or to myself. I am pretty sure I have hurt others in the process. And for this I feel awful. I really need to learn to listen to myself, to what it is that I want, and what it is that will make me happy. I need to learn to not be so concerned with appeasing others by telling them what it is that I think they want to hear, because the truth is always better. No matter how much it may hurt initially, it makes us stronger in the end.